Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You have to summon your inner elephant
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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