Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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