people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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