I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
