Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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