He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
