So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You have to summon your inner elephant
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
