Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
