I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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