you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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