Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
