Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I didn't shave. On purpose
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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