Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
