my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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