I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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