I skipped work to stalk him.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
