He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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