It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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