STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
