Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
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You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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