Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
