youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
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Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
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Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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