You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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