her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
