By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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