i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
