hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I deserve this hangover.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
