i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
