Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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