Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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