i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
