Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
