He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Randomize
