i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
