We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
