I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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