so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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