I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
