I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
