Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
