I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
