She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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