how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
