Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
