When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
