At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
