ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
