She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
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I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize