Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
BRING THE BAGELS
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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