Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You can't just leave with hair like that
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
