Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
