Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
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We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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