is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
