So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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