dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
