At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
So apparently I’m into choking now
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
