when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
