I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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