Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
