please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
