just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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