I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
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