I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
