you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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