God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
