why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
