i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
