Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
