im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
