I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
