we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
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