I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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