wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
