god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I AM VODKA MAN
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
