she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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