can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
