this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize