seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
