I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
